I have many people in my chair or on my treatment table expressing to me their frustration with really wanting to say No to someone’s request of them or wanting to say Yes, to something good that’s come along, but feel like they don’t deserve it.
Even though these are simple, one syllable words to utter, it takes great strength at times to say them. We don’t want to watch the neighbor’s dogs this weekend again – but maybe out of fear of being disliked or not wanting to feel guilty – instead of saying No, we say Yes. After all – we lie to ourselves – any “good” person would never say No. Right?
We place ourselves on a slippery slope with constantly saying Yes to every single request made of us when we really need to say No sometimes. These countless-Yes’s-that-should-be-No’s may leave us feeling resentful making us dislike ourselves for lying about our true desires. Which in turn, may even cause us to begin to dislike the very people we are helping out all the time with our Yes’s. We can feel quite trapped. Caged. But there is a key available for freedom: Just say No.
We could all benefit from learning how to say No when we really mean no. In this way, we stop lying to ourselves, we gain control over ourselves again, and believe it or not, others will adapt to our more truthful answers. They in fact, may even trust us more for our honesty. They will learn to respect our boundaries. They will come to believe our No’s mean no, and our Yes’s mean yes. We will begin to enjoy the freedom this gives us.
We also should say Yes when we want to say yes! There is no shame in getting what we want when it is reasonable, acceptable and healthy to do so. We are as deserving as the next guy to say Yes to fun; accepting help; our own feelings… DO do for others when it makes us feel good, sincerely for ourselves to do so. That is the best kind of Yes! We need to practice saying Yes to ourselves – giving ourselves permission to: take a break when we need one; accept that occasional homemade cookie offered; go for that walk; ask for that hug, or anything else that helps ourselves feel more nourished.
Until next time, remember to take care of you!
IMPORTANT: I am no therapist, nor do I claim to be one. But when I read something from a reliable source, and it just makes sense to me, I want to share these ideas with you. Remember the choice is and always will be yours to accept or reject any “pearls of wisdom” I say here. You ultimately have the final say as to whether or not to put whatever you learn in life into practice. You are in control of you.
I gathered these ideas from a fantastic book called The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. You should check her out. She’s a good read.